Confusion reigns

Sitting here, in this moment, it's clear there's no problem, in this moment. And yet, that doesn't help a bit. Things are changing faster than my nervous system can handle. I'm falling behind on what needs to be done. I'm losing track of time and day and missing appointments, forgetting to return promised calls. I pick things out of boxes, look at them, think about them, and put them back in again to deal with later. Later? What am I doing now as I face this unrelenting deadline? I'm staring at a computer screen, trying to pull myself together enough to keep going.

Someone asked me, "If what you want to do is study tai chi and explore your inner being, are you sure you want to set yourself up in Shanghai, one of the biggest, busiest and most polluted cities in the world?"

I just laughed, but the question is haunting me. What am I doing? Why?

I don't know.