en route

It’s the final leg of the start of the trip. Perhaps soon we’re landing in India though it’s hard to tell. Hours keep passing in the eerie sameness of stale air as I make my way from arctic (that's melting ice pictured here) to tropics (real orchids all over the Singapore airport) to ½ way around the world. The sky is now dark, so this must be night though I don’t feel it. I’ve taken at least 8 catnaps, had at least 5 meals, and used up countless plastic cups of water, discovering trying to save cups does more damage to unexamined systems than it does to the planet.

I’ve been thinking and thinking about this blog entry, wishing to say something profound that might sum up this whole experience of leaving. But what I'm feeling right now is just – here I am. The getting ready to go was among the most difficult things I’ve ever done. But that’s already past. And all that suffering had a silver lining. Going deep into the dark of my own anxiety and finding it not just empty but tolerable. I had moments of panic, so what? It's only thought that could judge being nervous as some kind of failure as a human being.

So here I am, not nervous, not excited, just here, learning how to work the Singapore Air entertainment device. And now someone's coming by, offering me orange juice and water. Thank you.